How Learning to Be Kind to Myself Made Me a Better Mom (Week 4 of 4)
This is the final (and personal) post of the 4-Week Self-Compassion Series.
Practicing self-compassion has had an unexpected, but amazing, impact on my relationships—especially with my kids. As a divorced mom with primary custody, I’ve spent plenty of time feeling like I had to “do it all.” Be both parents. Keep everything running smoothly. Somehow make up for anything I thought they might be missing.
The “mom guilt” was real, and on the days when I was stretched too thin or didn’t meet my own ridiculously impossible expectations, my inner critic would show up in full force. It was like a constant voice saying, “You’re not doing enough” or “You’re letting them down.”
For a long time, I believed that being hard on myself made me a better mom. But here’s the truth: it didn’t. It left me exhausted, tense, and emotionally distant. And while I didn’t mean for it to, that inner struggle started to impact my connection with my kids.
How Self-Compassion Changed Everything
When I started practicing self-compassion, things began to shift—slowly at first, but noticeably. On those tough days, instead of letting my inner critic run the show, I’d take a deep breath and remind myself: “You’re doing your best, and that’s enough for today.”
It wasn’t about being perfect. It was about showing up with love, even when things weren’t ideal. And when I gave myself that space, something amazing happened: I became more present with my kids.
We laughed more. We handled hard days with a little more grace. The pressure to “get everything right” started to fade, and in its place, there was room for connection.
Learning to Communicate My Needs
One of the biggest changes self-compassion brought was learning how to communicate my own needs—something I used to feel guilty about. Now, I can tell my kids when I need a little time to myself, like when I’m feeling overwhelmed or anxious.
For example, I’ve learned to say: “I’m feeling really anxious right now, and I need some quiet time to take a bath and recharge. Afterward, we’ll have some time together.”
At first, it felt uncomfortable, but modeling that kind of honesty has been powerful—not just for me, but for them.
Watching My Kids Learn
One of the most beautiful things I’ve seen is how this has started to rub off on my kids. I hear them naming their own feelings now and speaking up for what they need:
“My chest feels tight. I think I need some alone time minutes.”
“I feel sad right now. Can I snuggle you for a while?”
It’s incredible to watch them practice self-awareness and self-compassion, even in small ways. Knowing that I’ve helped create a space where they feel safe to do that? That’s everything.
What I’ve Learned
Parenting isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up with love and resilience, even on the messy days. Practicing self-compassion has helped me let go of the pressure to always “get it right” and instead focus on being present and real with my kids.
In turn, they’re learning that it’s okay to have needs, to set boundaries, and to approach themselves with kindness. That’s the kind of connection I’ve always wanted with them—a relationship rooted in understanding, acceptance, and a lot of love for all of us.
So here's to letting go of the “mom guilt” and embracing the beautifully imperfect journey of parenting with compassion.
xo, Molly
